Plane grounded as autopilot three times over the legal alcohol limit
HEATHROW – United Airlines flight 352, which was scheduled to fly from London to New York was refused take-off after reports that the autopilot was three times over the legal alcohol limit.
The Autopilot, known only as ‘The Autopilot’, was first suspected of being drunk as the Boeing 747 taxied to Heathrow’s East runway for takeoff. First officer Neil Simpson primarily noticed a lager like odour seeping through the control unit as he punched in co-ordinates for the flight. After further system checks Simpson finally stopped the aeroplane from taxiing after the audible warning systems began to slur.
Said head of United Airlines, Seth Blood; “If [flight 352 had been allowed to takeoff] the results would have been catastrophic. Pilots are only in control of the flight for takeoff and landing, so cruising at 30,000 feet at a rate of 500 miles per hour essentially with someone pissed up behind the wheel is a terrifying proposition.”
United Airlines has had a spate of pilots over the limit in the last ten years, but never the computer automated systems. “I guess it’s not just the pilots we can’t trust. Apparently if you leave an aeroplane alone on the tarmac for any length of time even its computer systems are susceptible to poor pay and a hedonistic lifestyle.”
The legal limit for autopilots is nine micrograms of alcohol in 100 gigabytes of hard drive - more than three times stricter than the drink-drive limit which is 35 micrograms.
