Pope Benedict blames homosexuality for poor golf round, frigid weather conditions.
SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS, MUIR OF ORD - The Pope has defamed homosexuals again and blamed the recent onset of frigid temperatures as evidence of God’s disproval for homosexuality, and it having nothing to do with the fact it’s Winter.
At a charity golf tournament run annually at the highlands Muir of Ord course to aid sick and mentally ill children, the Pope spoke to reporters about the necessity of wearing extra layers to keep warm, and the adverse affect it was having on his golf stroke. “Last year I only needed to wear my Pringle jumper and no thermal gloves between shots. This time round, with God punishing the sinners, my restricted stroke has gone straight to Hell.”
- Frigid conditions could be a thing of the past if sodomy is outlawed
Traditionally the Pope will wait until spring - when an Earthquake or Tsunami will most likely indicate God’s wrathful thoughts - but in this instance his rising handicap and failure to make birdie at a short par five quickened his defamation. “The bottom line is,” the Pope announced before topping a drive into hedgerow, “if there was no homosexuality, my greens in regulation would be 30 percent better than it is.”
No stranger to controversy, the Pope has cited on a number of occasions tenuous evidence of God’s anger towards human sin. Examples of these have included a swarm of bee’s interrupting a local football match, an annoyingly cloudy summer’s day, and a brick falling off a wall and landing on a little girls foot.
“If my handicap isn’t into single figures by the end of the year then you can guarantee the gays have done something untoward,” the Pope concluded in the car park whilst enticing a small boy into his car with sweets.
