Kelly Brook asked to leave ‘Britain’s got talent’, nation of Sun readers mourn.
LONDON - Shock resounded throughout the show business fraternity today when it was announced that busty rugby wag Kelly Brook had been asked to leave the popular ITV show Britain’s Got Talent.
The news has surprised the legions of white van drivers across the UK, 95% of whom emphatically declared in a readers poll yesterday “[that the] dark haired tart from Big Breakfast had massive talents.” Another 78% agreed; “She wouldn’t drown if she had a piano strapped to her leg.”
In a world where celebrities vomit while simultaneously try to devour kangaroo testicles, throw each other about whilst precariously balanced on a pair or ice skates or loaf about spouting inane gibberish at each other in the name of public entertainment, it seems the old fashioned pleasures in life - a gratuitous cleavage shot, a tantalisingly low cut dress - just doesn’t cut it in today’s high octane, hedonistic age.
100% of male Sun readers confirmed they would happily fuck Ms Brook even if their wives were at the local hospital nursing their sick child
In light of the announcement, and eager to keep Ms Brooks in the spotlight and on top of Sun readers wank list, representatives of the failed singer, actor and presenter have suggested their client undergo a wardrobe and lifestyle change. Those suggested have been a pink velour tracksuit, a number of illegitimate children from different fathers, a blatant and public disregard for her mother and maybe even a secret sex video, presumably where Ms Brook would get fucked in one lousy position in a frustratingly dark room with an unnecessarily shit camera.
Britain’s got talent is now in the process of recruiting more suitable replacements for its Saturday night slot, with top celebrity Terry Christian named as the most likely to succeed Ms Brook. Police have sanctioned extra riot vehicles to be available around building sites when the Sun runs the story.
