Fat people just wrong height, say fat people
BRISTOL - Overweight scientists at Bristol University have released startling new evidence that obesity isn’t a result of eating saturated fats, cake, pie, salt, chocolate and even more saturated fats but is in fact the result of the individual simply being the wrong height.
“We studied 300 men and women [aged between 18 and 45]” Explained Professor Richard Wittington, head of the study, “and discovered that if they were taller, then the fat would be better distributed around their behemoth bodies.”
The study calculated that one of the guinea pigs, Edna, who stands at 5 foot 3 inches and could counter balance the scales with a hippopotamus, would need to stand at 9 foot 2 inches to maintain a normal build. “At least then people would stop staring” Edna said later.
To be a normal build Edna would need to stand at 9 foot 2 inches, "At least people would stop staring," she has said.
“There is obviously a problem with the pituitary gland during adolescence or something,” added the lab technician, “[be]cause there is no way God intended for people to get so fat you have to build special cars for them.”
The study has come as relief for the victims of the new unnamed disorder, as some of them have been ridiculed in the streets, in hair salons, and even in Pizza Hut. “It hurts when people stare every night when I order two extra large pepperoni with double stuffed cheese crust pizzas with extra cola,” said Edna. “At least now I can feel happier telling them I have a disease instead.”
Comments
By Snizzle my Dizzle on April 29th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Love the caption!
By LatinoGirl87 on April 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am
hahahahahaahahahahh
By LatinoGirl87 on April 29th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Any time you can get Bohemoth into an article you know you’re on a winner! Glad the site is going again
By Smith&Co on April 29th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
i take it you don’t like overweight people either?
By Admin on April 29th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
^^ Joker
By Bender2105 on April 29th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I’m definately too short for my weight. I think doctors should be more aware of this before they just go branding people “obese” it’s just offensive and hurtful. I might go and eat some chocolate
By Admin on April 30th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Bender, you probably are too short for your height, and it might be worth finding out from your local GP if you can find a name for the condition. L:et us know how you get on.
Ed