Teenagers to learn about alternatives to pregnancy from top pornography, money shots
LONDON - Stroke victim Gordon Brown announced Wednesday that Labour are introducing another government initiative aimed at introducing school children to hardcore pornography, as an aid to stopping high rates of pregnancy amongst teenagers.
With teenage pregnancy in the UK exceeding all other European countries, and child benefit approaching bingo jackpot amounts, Brown will hope to demonstrate there are more loving, less child producing alternatives available to young people.
“We hope that they will see the loving nature of the films,” said Brown to cheers from his constituents, “and the fact that blowing your mess in a girls face or on her fake tits is as satisfying as unleashing a load in her vag.”
Amongst the long list of videos selected for use is the swinging Gang Bangers, the ambiguous Fuck my Ass, and the internationally acknowledged fact Housewives love Anal, all of which highlight educated young women being lovingly penetrated, romantically degraded and sensually smashed in the shitter.
“Ultimately, our main objective is to eradicate the awkwardness of sexual education classes,” said education minister Ed Balls. “And the inevitable snickering at stretching a condom over a banana. We think with [hardcore filth] we’ll get the kids attention. And show them a few alternative ways to avoid pregnancy.”
As well as demonstrating the complex sexual intricacies of adult relationships, the scheme will also have the added benefit of aiding the children’s vocabulary, as they will be introduced to useful, everyday words like blowback, double penetration, bukkake, jizzem, facial and head, used as a verb.
“It’s win, win,” said a jubilant Brown, “We’ll stop supplying outrageously indulgent houses to teenage mothers, and young people get to learn from the best alternate love makers in the business.”
