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Committed man’s imaginary friend turns out to be Jesus Christ, man released

BRISTOL - A man stood shouting into the sky and then talking to himself outside Bristol Cathedral was committed to psychiatric care yesterday, only to be released today after specialists ascertained the man was simply having a conversation with Jesus, not a supposed imaginary friend.

The thirty-five year man, still unnamed by police, was originally feared to be in need of serious psychiatric help and a danger to society, however, after informing specialists he felt blessed and watched over by a hippy who arguably lived in the Bronze Age, and who promised a life of luxury and harp playing after his death, the case was rubber stamped as routine, and the case was closed.

“If he’d have said his imaginary friend was called Tony,” said Psychiatrist Linda Smith, “then he’d probably be spending the remainder of his life eating through a straw in a padded rubber room. However as [his friend] is Jesus, he’s no crazier then any normal person and obviously perfectly fine.”

Psychiatrist and preacher Desmond Almond reported on Channel 4 news that over half the world’s populace has some kind of belief in an imaginary, invisible deity, and therefore are rightly immune to ridicule, scepticism and locked padded rooms. He later pointed out to children that if they were unable to feel the presence of his imaginary friend then they would probably spend eternity in Hell.

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