Jesus Christ joins cast of X-Men 5
LOS ANGELES - After months of negotiations between Twentieth Century Fox and Jesus Christ’s agent Brett Samsung, Jesus Christ will finally make his long awaited entrance into mainstream Hollywood in the X-Men superhero movie franchise.
Twentieth Century Fox producers were eager to open negotiations with Jesus after reading about his fantastical exploits in hugely popular comic book franchise The Bible. “The only obstacle was salary,” explained CEO Theodore Smartan, “but we figured with his skills in divinity and sorcery, that we[Twentieth Century Fox] would save money on special effects and catering so it was definitely worth a punt.”
Jesus' ability to perform his own stunts and CGI were an overwhelming factor in overlooking his enormous salary.
Twentieth Century Fox outlined a more physical role for Christ, steering away from heavy dialogue because of English being a second language. Director Brett Ratner said, “We believe Christ is the ideal choice for X-Men as he has international appeal plus gimmicks like healing the sick, and the ability to walk on water. The only question was whether he could magically create and eat enough bread to stack on enough muscle to play such a physically demanding role.”
In an interview with Jonathan Ross, Jesus did explain that he had had more poignant offers in the past, namely to play the emotionally scarred Harry Block in Woody Allen’s Deconstructing Harry. “I had to turn Woody down because of scheduling conflicts.” Jesus told Ross, “It genuinely had nothing to do with [Woody] being a fucking paedophilic Jew.”
Comments
By Tom Stanley on September 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
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Tom Stanley