Man believed to be Jesus Christ actually a bearded parachutist
TEXAS - A bearded man who was parachuting from a plane caused alarming commotion in Houston this week as he crash-landed into a bramble bush in St John’s Methodist Church graveyard, causing the entire congregation to drop to their knees and praise the Lord for Judgement Day.
The confusion arose after the man - forty-five year-old Lenny Barowicz - was seen unconscious and spread eagled in a bush, apparently donning a beard, a thorn crown and a strange robe. After Mr Barowicz was removed from the brambles by paramedics it was discovered that his parachute had inextricably tangled itself around his body as he crashed, causing the confusion.
Mistaken Messiah: Unlike Mr Barowicz, Jesus won't descend to earth from an aeroplane
“I’m pretty embarrassed,” said local church goer Tyler Newton, “I’d already phoned everyone I knew and told them to pack all their stuff up [as it was the end of days]. I even told the Jew next door to go fuck himself because i was going to heaven and he wasn’t.”
Christian prophecy proclaims that Jesus Christ - man’s saviour and evangelical goody goody - will descend from the heavens in full human form sometime in 2012 AD and end the world, and thus save those folk who have committed their lives to him.
“It’s annoying and frustrating for sure,” said North Harris County’s Senate representative John Whitmore. “But It’s really no bother waiting a few more years for the end of the world.”
Parachutist Mr Barowicz later died in hospital with puncture wounds to his hands and feet.
Comments
By Steve-O on September 7th, 2009 at 7:59 am
wowzers! And lol and shock-horror at the last line