Four millimetres of snow has same effect as apocalyptic nuclear strike, say government
BRISTOL - Britain’s military is on full alert as Britain entered an apocalyptic code red scenario this week following the onslaught of approximately four millimetres of frozen rain sweeping across its southern counties. The frozen rain, also called snow, has raised alarming parallels with nuclear strikes in Nagasaki and Hiroshima in the 1940’s
More Articles
Teenagers to learn about alternatives to pregnancy from top pornography, money shots
LONDON - Stroke victim Gordon Brown announced Wednesday that Labour are introducing another government initiative aimed at introducing school children to hardcore pornography, as an aid to stopping high rates of pregnancy amongst teenagers. With teenage pregnancy in the UK exceeding all other European
Bookmakers can now fuck hookers as Obama occupies Whitehouse
Bookmakers are beginning to show an up-turn in profits this week, quashing the rumours that they are suffering under the ongoing credit-crunch. Analysts are attributing their recent growth to the flurry of post US election wagers that have been flooding into betting shops since Barack Obama swept to
Japanese robotic teacher needs to be profanity, kick and piss proof, says British education minister
BRISTOL – Scientists at Bristol University have been busy adapting the latest technological advancement from Japan, in a bid to make it a success in schools across Britain. The robotic humanoid, named Saya, was created by Hiroshi Kobayashi at the University of Tokyo in a bid to provide children in
Opinion: Q&A. Sebastian Sayers answers questions on Churchill, Picasso & Dragnet
Need advice? With a plethora of opinion and news going up all the time, a number of readers have been quick to question the absence of any Q and A forums we may have. As we have no qualified psychiatrists to boot, or indeed the budget to acquire one, the Deadender has taken your needs into consideration
Opinion: Barack Obama, inauguration
DEADEND - In light of Barack Obama’s inauguration as the first African-American President of the United States, the Deadender investigates six important firsts, and assesses their importance to society. History is awash with firsts; the first hairdryer, the first heart transplant, the first man to
Cave-dwelling terrorists still slightly brighter than Intelligence agencies, FBI
AFGHANISTAN – The myriad of uneducated Taliban insurgents hiding in the mountains in Afghanistan are proving incredibly illusive to the many Ivy League graduates working for the top intelligence agencies, it was revealed today. The Taliban fighters have been hiding within an eight mile radius of the
Prince Harry; “It’s hard not to be racist when I’m an upper class soldier trained to kill brown people”
LONDON – Army officials have confirmed they are sending Prince Harry on a quality and diversity course to prevent more racial slurs after his latest outburst in an attempt to minimise damage to his and the royal family’s reputation. Aside from dressing as a Nazi and groping girls’ tits in bars,
Sarah Palin denies World is 10,000 years old. “It’s actually only 6,000”
WASHINGTON – Alaskan vice-president candidate and pretty attractive hockey ‘mom’ Governor Sarah Palin has refuted claims that she believes the world is 10,000 years old, claiming she’s knows for a fact it is only 6,000. Palin has been under constant attack from the Democratic Party since her